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Big Time Sensuality; by Bjork |
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These days, it seems exceedingly rare that I make the acquaintance of anyone enlightened in the way that can only come from being spellbound by ones thoughts, rather than the “enlightened” crowd of people who are composed solely of their “enlightened” interests and amusements. I'm afraid that I'm of a dying breed of those not concerned with simply common ground when trying to connect with another human being, on the very few occasions that I ever bother to anymore.
I'm so tired of being surrounded by these people who are defined by their interests. People who are so hollow, they turn to others—who are in no better position—or to anything external to fill the void. They let themselves be nothing more than their amusements or interests, rather than preserving independence allowing those things to compliment them. I don't care what it is accompanying them, but people are neurotically aversive towards spending time with themselves, even when they are alone. Whether they are accompanied by other people, literature, clothes, prejudice, tv shows, work, religion, drugs, concepts, anything you can think of... there is always something they must poison and cloud their thoughts with to put in the place of simply being. I don't care whether it is someone who I have every interest in common with, or the utter inversion of my likes. The hollowness alone will ward me off.
People have been crying about how vastly different things have come to be decade after decade, but I can't spot much progression in the basic behavior of human beings over the past century. They have all become the same, and I haven't been around long enough or retraced enough steps to estimate when this transformation happened. They defy everything that is precious about existing within the limits of the human mind. They replace it with false visions of being a part of the external, when it should be living in a world alone, and peering out. From your view, you can see things—almost everything—and you can spot which things you feel a connection with, which things you feel averted towards... but they are still external, still only observations, and still only simple items within your scope of recognition. The simple experience of peering out is overwhelming and amazing in itself, but those external things can still never fill or substitute that world which you occupy, and if you haven't let yourself be fooled by the illusion of those simple sights being your tangible world that comes from spending too much time peering out, then you would never want them to replace it. It is like tearing off the head of a beautiful doll and replacing it with a foul, long-since-dead vermin.
And yet still, people have become so alienated from independence that I don't think they even recognize that very solitary world we all exist in to betray it in the first place. I think that's what depresses me the most.
Perhaps I just spend too much time alone, too much time in my own world, too little time looking through my window. I can't say what anyone else's world should be, or estimate what it could be like, or if it even exists; I just know what my own is, and that it is more precious and more important to me than anything or anyone that I could possibly spy outside of it. Language simply being a device for communicating from that world to the outside, I couldn't possibly explain it in a way that could ever do it justice.
Anyway... my step-father's 90lbs+ dog is now afraid of my 8lbs cat (who is declawed and fixed, and has a meow that sounds more feminine than any other I have heard). I feel bad, because now that my cat is more accustomed to the house, he's become braver, and has been being a bit of a bully to the dog (who is only a few months over a year old), but at the same time I can't help laughing at the idea of having to defend this mass of muscle and fur that weighs more than I do to my little kitty. I swear I scolded him the other day for hissing, puffing his fur and back out, and making a swatting motion with his paw in front of the dog, which in turn made the giant puppy cower away up the stairs.
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